the lake pt4I pushed myself up using the trunk of the tree as a stabilising factor, now no longer knowing if I a shaking because of cold, fear and or the overflow of adrenaline in my body. My hearts is pounding yet my head has a resounding sense of calm, tranquillity and emptiness focussing only on the tasks in front of meI walk steadily and steadfastly to the old s registered battered burgundy Cortina, which is resting on the gravel pit of a car park. I pop the boot by slamming my fist down hard on the body work. As I do so a wry smile crosses my face, remembering how the boot lock got buckled, this smile is quickly followed by more silent tears, I wipe them from my face with a soft but forceful swipe using the back of my handI then bend over and look into the boot, anger, pain, frustration sorrow and bitterness fills my body and mind. I feel my mental state changing again to a state of mind, that it has done so many times I time
the lake pt 3I try to recollect how it all began. I try to remember how tonight happened. the memories flash in and out but lack the sharpness needed for recollection and they seem unwarrantedly fuzzy as if submerged in water and the images and words have smudged into something completely illegible and intangible to both sight and sound and muffled as if gagged by a hand over the mouth stopping their voice. In the distance I hear the sirens and I know I have no time to explain whats happened, so choose instead to clear my mind.Its time to pay and make the final sacrifice to the lake
the lake pt2I know it wont be long until they come to collect me but they would never understand and I cant explain or maybe in reality its a question that I dont want to and I want to let it beThe tree under which I sit offers me shelter from the cold, that terrible cold that has always surrounded me and isolated me from social interaction and left me alone and isolated. It is the same coldness that emanates from the lake tonight and every night that I have known it. This coldness seems to resonate from every angle of its silken sheen and is reflected in my conscious and sub-conscious mind.
the lake pt1Me. I was currently sat on its grassy banks with my knees curled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around them in what can only be described as a sitting foetal position staring out on to this silken clot crying silent tears and fearful of my actions, but knowing that only the lake could understand the depths of fear and secrets now running in my veins
The lakeI was always amazed how with the passing of time things could and would always look so different, take for example the lake. At night the black silken covering reflected with amazing clarity the milkiness of the moon and the reflections from boats moored to the sides cast ominous shadows of foreboding. Yet during the day its stillness reflected a tranquillity of calm and contentedness as the sun beams danced and bounced of the ripples creating an illusion of heat shimmer 2-3 inches above the water levels. Like many things it had a Janus personality where it welcomed you into its warm waters like a lost family member during the day but at night it was dark and vengeful and hid many secrets of which I was one